If I were there a second time

I’d look you in the eye

holding your gaze

pressing upon you the love I couldn’t say

or even fully feel

I would wrap myself up beside you

in a tangle of acceptance

complicated in varied

measures of allowances

If I were there a second time

I wouldn’t try so hard to forgive –

to round out the rough edges of

your vunerability

I would let you be naked – if even

for a moment – without squinting

to make the picture

just so.

If I were there a second time

I would do it better

I would hold your hand before I ran away

leaving you to your inward rot

and ringing hell

I would try

try to soften your skin

to press my palm against your cheek

to give you some pride

in the growing darkness

I did love you

but I would love you better

If I were there a second time